Office Hours (Jess Willard/Tess t'Hoell)

[Jess Willard]

[Counselor's Office]

Jess sat at her desk, finally a moment. She took a deep breath in now that she had a moment free to eat. One thing she'd never gotten a handle on was scheduling. She'd managed to schedule out her entire day and never even gave a gap for herself to get lunch. But she was following her passion for helping people so to her it was worth it. She stood, her stomach grumbled, and almost as if in harmony the door chirped. She froze for a moment not really grasping why. That's when her calendar caught her attention. A new appointment had been added without her knowledge. She supposed food would have to wait for now. She really needed to talk to someone about scheduling things for her so she stopped scheduling days to where she had no open time.

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess stood in front of Ensign Willard's office. The tears in her eyes had not yet dried completely as she raised her hand to chime the door bell. With slight embarrassement she thought back to her breakdown at the doctor's appointment just minutes ago. It had been a check-up Tess had requested because she had been in pain, which was nothing unusual so short after the miscarriage happened. Rayek had insisted that he comes with her, but Tess had declined his offer but asked him to stay with Fvienn. She didn't want their son to be looked after by someone else again, but that he had the comfort of a parent. She could see that Rayek didn't like it, but he respected her wishes.
During the doctor's appointment then, she had a complete breakdown which promtped the doctor to book a last-minute counseling session for her. Tess didn't really want to go, but the doctor was adamant. Deep down Tess knew that was a sound decision, but she didn't really feel like talking right now. On her way to the office - it was just a couple of doors down the corridor on the same deck - she informed Rayek of her new appointment. She had tried to make her voice sound normal and not like she had cried violently just minutes before, but he likely picked up on it anyway.

Taking in a deep breath, she waited a moment longer until she heard the permission to enter. She did so and slowly walked into the room. She moved hesitantly, almost like a deer that would turn and run any second. She had her arm wrapped across her middle section, her right hand glutching her left arm as her eyes found Ensign Willard at her desk. Tess had only been on the ship for a couple of weeks, and she here as a civilian, but since she had been pregnant, she had visited the sickbay often and in passing had seen the counselor on the deck, but never spoken to her.

Tess noticed the meal on the desk and realized she likely had interrupted her lunch. Oh, great.

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess stood in front of Ensign Willard's office. The tears in her eyes had not yet dried completely as she raised her hand to chime the door bell. With slight embarrassement she thought back to her breakdown at the doctor's appointment just minutes ago. It had been a check-up Tess had requested because she had been in pain, which was nothing unusual so short after the miscarriage happened. Rayek had insisted that he comes with her, but Tess had declined his offer but asked him to stay with Fvienn. She didn't want their son to be looked after by someone else again, but that he had the comfort of a parent. She could see that Rayek didn't like it, but he respected her wishes.
During the doctor's appointment then, she had a complete breakdown which promtped the doctor to book a last-minute counseling session for her. Tess didn't really want to go, but the doctor was adamant. Deep down Tess knew that was a sound decision, but she didn't really feel like talking right now. On her way to the office - it was just a couple of doors down the corridor on the same deck - she informed Rayek of her new appointment. She had tried to make her voice sound normal and not like she had cried violently just minutes before, but he likely picked up on it anyway.

Taking in a deep breath, she waited a moment longer until she heard the permission to enter. She did so and slowly walked into the room. She moved hesitantly, almost like a deer that would turn and run any second. She had her arm wrapped across her middle section, her right hand glutching her left arm as her eyes found Ensign Willard at her desk. Tess had only been on the ship for a couple of weeks, and she here as a civilian, but since she had been pregnant, she had visited the sickbay often and in passing had seen the counselor on the deck, but never spoken to her.

Tess noticed the meal on the desk and realized she likely had interrupted her lunch. Oh, great.

[Counselor's Office]

Until this moment Jess hadn't looked to see who the new appointment was for. In her panic that escaped her entirely. As she saw a face she'd only seen in passing she glanced down at the new appointment on her calendar to confirm. Her eyes returned to Tess and followed her gaze until she realized the woman had taken note of her lunch. A soft airy laugh passed her lips quietly. "I apologize, I breezed through school quite easily but there was one thing I could never quite figure out and that was time management." Jess said lightly.

A friendly smile spread across the counselor's face as she made her way out from behind her desk. Of course, she had noticed that the woman had been crying but simply acted like she didn't. "You're Tess, right? It's nice to finally meet you. You can call me Jess, counselor, doc, or whatever you'd like. Have a seat anywhere you'd like. Is there anything I can get you? Tea, coffee, cookies?" Her head tilted to the right slightly as she waited for the response. Jess had heard the gist of what she assumed brought the other woman to her office. Truly, she was simply glad that Tess was open to talking about it.

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess was glad that the counselor didn't directly jump at her with the topic of why she was here. Although she didn't have it in her to reply to her light remark or even do as much return a small smile, the tension in her muscles left her a little before Jess offered her a spot to sit and get her something to drink. She walked to one of the chairs she figured would be for the patients and sat down.

"No, nothing for me right now, thank you", she said quietly. She sat in the chair leaned forward, her legs together and her hands squeezed in between them. Anyone who saw her likely wouldn't believe that she was a former Starfleet Captain who got through some quite nasty battles in the past.
She looked at Jess and then - almost as an afterthought - gestured to the meal sitting on her desk.

"Please, feel free to have your meal, I don't mind that at all. I didn't meant to interrupt you."

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess was glad that the counselor didn't directly jump at her with the topic of why she was here. Although she didn't have it in her to reply to her light remark or even do as much return a small smile, the tension in her muscles left her a little before Jess offered her a spot to sit and get her something to drink. She walked to one of the chairs she figured would be for the patients and sat down.

"No, nothing for me right now, thank you", she said quietly. She sat in the chair leaned forward, her legs together and her hands squeezed in between them. Anyone who saw her likely wouldn't believe that she was a former Starfleet Captain who got through some quite nasty battles in the past.
She looked at Jess and then - almost as an afterthought - gestured to the meal sitting on her desk.

"Please, feel free to have your meal, I don't mind that at all. I didn't meant to interrupt you."

[Counselor's Office]

Jess made her way over to the couch near where Tess was sitting and sat. "Oh don't worry about that. My brain has a way of acting like food doesn't exist and isn't a requirement anymore when I'm working. When I was doing my master's I would regularly get in bed after classes and work on my thesis to realize I hadn't eaten for the full day. At least I don't do that to myself anymore." She cut herself off before she could add "usually" to the end of that sentence.

The counselor's smile softened as she continued. "So you're aware, I'm loosely aware of what you're dealing with. I had considered reaching out several times to let you know my door was always open even without an appointment. I don't know if you're familiar with counseling but know this is a completely safe space. I may ask follow-up questions, but you control the conversation."

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

What Tess heard was slightly concerning to her doctor's brain. But that part was not in the foreground right now so she refrained from commenting in any way. She tried a small smile this time but it came out more like a grimace.

When Jess carefully started to broach the topic Tess started to worry her lower lip with her teeth, something she did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. She nodded slightly at what she said towards the end.

"I'm familiar with counseling", Tess replied quietly. "Both from my training - I'm a doctor - and from personal experience. I had a couple of counseling sessions back on Katra station via video." As she spoke her voice was very soft.

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

What Tess heard was slightly concerning to her doctor's brain. But that part was not in the foreground right now so she refrained from commenting in any way. She tried a small smile this time but it came out more like a grimace.

When Jess carefully started to broach the topic Tess started to worry her lower lip with her teeth, something she did when she was nervous or uncomfortable. She nodded slightly at what she said towards the end.

"I'm familiar with counseling", Tess replied quietly. "Both from my training - I'm a doctor - and from personal experience. I had a couple of counseling sessions back on Katra station via video." As she spoke her voice was very soft.

[Counselor's Office]

Jess offered a small nod before she spoke. "Good. Then you're not starting from scratch. I want you to know before we begin that this office is always open to you assuming I don't have a patient. If you ever just need a quiet place to sit and get away from everything else you're safe here. If you need me, even after hours, you can page my comm badge and I'll be happy to come and meet you wherever you'd like." She shifted slightly, clasping her hands in her lap. "Even if all you need is a good cup of coffee. I have a secret stash of actual coffee beans I've sourced from Ethiopia and Sumatra. I try to pick them up when I visit home because it's much better than the stuff you get out of a replicator. No matter what you need I'm always happy to be here to help."

Jess' posture relaxed slightly as she shifted to put her left elbow on the armrest. "You mentioned Katra station, you were stationed there yeah? What was that like?"

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess nodded in acceptance and appreciation of the offer to come to her whenever she felt she needed a safe place. Of course, the person Tess would always seek out first whenever she felt she needed someone would be Rayek. But she knew that Rayek had duties to perform, and that as the First Officer of this ship, the crew relied on him. Sooner or later he would be on his next away mission, and to then know Tess had someone to come to was reassuring - although of course she didn't know yet if Ensign Willard would be that person. They only met today and although Tess generally was someone who had no issues trusting others, it was something different to come to someone to discuss the deepest most personal issues.

"Thank you", Tess finally said, her voice still so soft that it might be hard to even hear her. "I appreciate that." Her comment about her stash of coffee beans from Earth prompted a weak smile. Normally Tess would ask questions and make some small talk about it, she actually was curious to try it, but right now she didn't feel like it. Perhaps that was a topic for a later time.

When asked about Katra it stirred up a mix of feelings in Tess. She had very fond but also hurtful memories on her time there. "It was ... one of the best times for me in Starfleet", she admitted. "And of my life. Katra was where I met and feel in love with Rayek. I've made some dear friends there." She thought of Saqa7, who she dearly missed. Solluk and 'Century' John Saxon who was almost like a father to her. Roberto, despite the difficulties with him and Rayek. Even the Romulan family s'Movel who they had become friends with. "I was so lucky to be able to serve with my brother and my father on Katra. But all of the crew was like family." She bit her lip when she thought of how everything had fallen apart after that. "While I have fond memories, of course there are other memories that I'd like to forget. Being out on the verge of the Gamma quadrant it was a dangerous place."

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess nodded in acceptance and appreciation of the offer to come to her whenever she felt she needed a safe place. Of course, the person Tess would always seek out first whenever she felt she needed someone would be Rayek. But she knew that Rayek had duties to perform, and that as the First Officer of this ship, the crew relied on him. Sooner or later he would be on his next away mission, and to then know Tess had someone to come to was reassuring - although of course she didn't know yet if Ensign Willard would be that person. They only met today and although Tess generally was someone who had no issues trusting others, it was something different to come to someone to discuss the deepest most personal issues.

"Thank you", Tess finally said, her voice still so soft that it might be hard to even hear her. "I appreciate that." Her comment about her stash of coffee beans from Earth prompted a weak smile. Normally Tess would ask questions and make some small talk about it, she actually was curious to try it, but right now she didn't feel like it. Perhaps that was a topic for a later time.

When asked about Katra it stirred up a mix of feelings in Tess. She had very fond but also hurtful memories on her time there. "It was ... one of the best times for me in Starfleet", she admitted. "And of my life. Katra was where I met and feel in love with Rayek. I've made some dear friends there." She thought of Saqa7, who she dearly missed. Solluk and 'Century' John Saxon who was almost like a father to her. Roberto, despite the difficulties with him and Rayek. Even the Romulan family s'Movel who they had become friends with. "I was so lucky to be able to serve with my brother and my father on Katra. But all of the crew was like family." She bit her lip when she thought of how everything had fallen apart after that. "While I have fond memories, of course there are other memories that I'd to forget. Being out on the verge of the Gamma quadrant it was a dangerous place."

Jess listened intently. She'd heard some stories about people living on the borders of the gamma quadrant but didn't know that much about it outside of some stories and what she'd learned at the academy. "When we leave something with so many good memories it can be a challenge. Many people don't factor in the longer-term feelings that can be tied up in that. I find often people don't fully process the feelings of one major life event and when they move on to another even the unresolved feelings can get tied together and amplify each other. I'm sure it's a decision that wasn't made lightly. Tell me about that. What made you decide to leave?" Her voice matched the softness of the woman in the room with her, but never waved in the added friendliness.

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

"It wasn't so much a decision we were able to consciously make", Tess replied, still sitting rather tense in the chair, her hands clasped between her knees, "but the circumstances made it for us." Her eyes drifted away from Jess as she recalled the events.

"We were out with Katra's ship, the Amalthea, on the search for an Ooroyoyan, a kind of astrocetus, native to the Gamma quadrant. The Atrosians, an extremely advanced species light years away from Katra that were not really fond of the Federation or Starfleet believed that the astrocetus had the ability to open the worm hole, which was still closed at that time. However, before we could complete our mission, news reached us that the worm hole was open again, so we made our way back to the station."

Tess paused there, her eyebrows furrowing as all of the memories flooded back into her mind. They weren't nice memories. "At the time, we had company of the Romulan ambassador Virahk Jarok. The Romulans wanted to have an embassy on Katra Station and Ambassador Jarok was to stay there." She didn't mention anything about the ambassador's aide who turned out to be Rayek's presumed dead Tal'Shiar brother Telmuk who had tried to kill him. Tess faltered and shook her head to keep her thoughts from going down THAT rabbit hole. "Ultimately Rayek was asked to serve a year as an exchange officer in the Romulan Free State to help build up ties with the Federation. We decided that I go back to Ba'ku, my homeplanet, with our son Fvienn and my father, well, adoptive father, Lt. Fabiano Moreno." At the thought of her father and what had happened to him, a sudden burst of emotion overcame her. Tears filled her eyes so rapidly that she couldn't do anything against the sob that escaped her throat. She lifted her hands up to cover part of her face, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to keep it together and not have another breakdown.

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

"It wasn't so much a decision we were able to consciously make", Tess replied, still sitting rather tense in the chair, her hands clasped between her knees, "but the circumstances made it for us." Her eyes drifted away from Jess as she recalled the events.

"We were out with Katra's ship, the Amalthea, on the search for an Ooroyoyan, a kind of astrocetus, native to the Gamma quadrant. The Atrosians, an extremely advanced species light years away from Katra that were not really fond of the Federation or Starfleet believed that the astrocetus had the ability to open the worm hole, which was still closed at that time. However, before we could complete our mission, news reached us that the worm hole was open again, so we made our way back to the station."

Tess paused there, her eyebrows furrowing as all of the memories flooded back into her mind. They weren't nice memories. "At the time, we had company of the Romulan ambassador Virahk Jarok. The Romulans wanted to have an embassy on Katra Station and Ambassador Jarok was to stay there." She didn't mention anything about the ambassador's aide who turned out to be Rayek's presumed dead Tal'Shiar brother Telmuk who had tried to kill him. Tess faltered and shook her head to keep her thoughts from going down THAT rabbit hole. "Ultimately Rayek was asked to serve a year as an exchange officer in the Romulan Free State to help build up ties with the Federation. We decided that I go back to Ba'ku, my homeplanet, with our son Fvienn and my father, well, adoptive father, Lt. Fabiano Moreno." At the thought of her father and what had happened to him, a sudden burst of emotion overcame her. Tears filled her eyes so rapidly that she couldn't do anything against the sob that escaped her throat. She lifted her hands up to cover part of her face, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to keep it together and not have another breakdown.

[Counselor's Office]

Jess paused a moment, she considered putting her hand on the woman's shoulder but then thought better of it just in case it would startle her. "I'm sorry to make you relive such painful memories." She said empathetically. Before probing further she decided to make a comment to diffuse things slightly. "It's good to know I'm not the only adopted kid on this ship." Her voice was genuine and radiated warmth as she spoke. "My parents..." She allowed a small pained smile to appear on her face as she pushed through. "They did their best. They weren't prepared to raise a young kid but did it out of obligation when my biological parents..." She cut herself off before adding that they had died in the line of duty. "Point is they did their best. Tell me about how you felt staying with your father."

[Tess tLhoell]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess heard what Jessica was saying and she was grateful that the counselor didn't let that gap fill oppressing silence so she could focus on keeping herself together. The lump in her throat felt so thick that Tess wasn't able to reply to anything Jessica shared about herself, but Tess definitely registered it. Being adopted was actually a pretty unique thing to have in common.

When Jessica encouraged her to talk about her father, Tess needed another moment to feel stable enough to actually talk. She wiped the tears off her face that kept coming and she swallowed several times to get rid of the lump in her throat.

"It was always a joy to stay with him", she said, her voice still shaky. "He truly treated us like we were his own children and he would do everything to support us in whatever we thrived to do. I was very lucky that our paths crossed when it did, otherwise my life would have been something extremely different." She tried a wavering smile but it vanished as quick as it came, a hint of sorrow seeping into her expression.

[Jess Willard]

[USS Discovery - Deck 9 - Counselor's office]

Tess heard what Jessica was saying and she was grateful that the counselor didn't let that gap fill oppressing silence so she could focus on keeping herself together. The lump in her throat felt so thick that Tess wasn't able to reply to anything Jessica shared about herself, but Tess definitely registered it. Being adopted was actually a pretty unique thing to have in common.

When Jessica encouraged her to talk about her father, Tess needed another moment to feel stable enough to actually talk. She wiped the tears off her face that kept coming and she swallowed several times to get rid of the lump in her throat.

"It was always a joy to stay with him", she said, her voice still shaky. "He truly treated us like we were his own children and he would do everything to support us in whatever we thrived to do. I was very lucky that our paths crossed when it did, otherwise my life would have been something extremely different." She tried a wavering smile but it vanished as quick as it came, a hint of sorrow seeping into her expression.

Jess nodded slightly and offered a slight "mmm" as an acknowledgment as she thought about what Tess had said. "When I was younger I spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if my parents hadn't taken me in so willingly. They never hid that I was adopted, I just never knew what happened to my parents. Truth is life moves forward all the time. Plus, even if I could go back to change how things went, even if nothing massively changed because my biological parents..." Her voice trailed off briefly, a genuine smile appearing on her face. "I don't know that I ethically could change things. My story, my past, all of it shaped me. Without all of it I don't think I'd be sat here in this room with you. Which would be a shame because I never would have gotten to see your strength." She leaned on her armrest slightly. "Also if you're about to reply that you don't feel strong right now, know that strength isn't the absence of pain. It isn't the absence of feeling emotion. Strength is not giving in to pain and letting it consume you." Willard added without giving the woman a moment to reply.