Some Things Better Said [Jiseth/Zero]

[Zero Alpha]

With as memory as enhanced as any Cardassian, Zero remembered the restaurant where she had first met the Romulan, while downing alcohol in a desperate effort to get drunk.  While a positive memory, it was marred by the repeated interferance of Admiral Corinth.  What he would do if he had the chance to get Callion back...

"I would enjoy the chance to expose Callion to further knowledge, but I fear that we may be putting her in danger should we take her to Earth.  I... I fear for her safety on a near constant basis even now, but should he find out that I have returned, and by extension she, he may become determined to influence her development as he influenced mine.  I fear that she may be subjected to many of the same tests."  She looked up at the Romulan with both great sorrow and deep fear in her expression, caught between the desire to help her daughter grow up without all of the hardships of Doctor Kincaede or Admiral Corinth and the ever-present terror that the Admiral may take Callion away from her.

[Jiseth]

With a flick of her wrist, the bottle of kali-fal went sailing back across the room onto the cushion she had just been sitting in on the couch. The contents swirled audibly, but Jiseth's attention kept on it only long enough to make sure nothing spilled out. The cap held and her expression hardened for a moment which was only about a long as she could muster when looking to Zero before softening. The presence of her fellow ice queen always seemed to melt her heart.

"...They may have had me in traction, but fear is far more binding. Gets in your head and your mind becomes its own prison. I can't apologize for all the time we've lost and all the nights you lay awake worrying about her. If you'll permit it, I can find places not too close and yet not too far to attract attention. As much as possible not give them a reason to find us. We've always done what was necessary to get by, this will be no different."

Jiseth took a step closer to Zero, but no farther, and opened up her arms loosely. Boundaries were not something Romulans usually abide by. Simply things to overcome or circumvent in order to get what they want, but a cloaking device would not be useful at all and the Augment was far from being a mere conquest. So she stood there and hoped Zero would close the distance into her embrace.

[Zero Alpha]

Fear.  An element that had been such a controlling element in her life for so long that she wasn't sure she knew how to live without it any more.  It was just replaced with new and greater fears, or the all-encompasing fear of what Corinth could and would do when he found out about the rules she had been breaking and Jiseth, with her arms held out toward her, was offering an invitation to break yet another one.  One she longed to break for her Romulan if only the fear would vanish.

Tentatively, the pale Augment crept forward as if anticipating the need to leap away in a heaetbeat, and reached out one hand, ghosting it the length of Jiseth's fingers to her wrist.  She hesitated, her eyes flicking up to hers, trying to gauge her reaction.

[Jiseth]

The Romulan remained calm, still. It was like navigating in thick fog. Deprived of most senses, she had to rely on other things. Some people smack into trees and others into the sides of mountains. In the cockpit she could rely on the instruments to a point, but there was still an intuition required much like here. Part of her wanted to leap forward, take her in her arms, and spin round and round like in the romance movies. Except this was no movie, and if it was, it would be more akin to a suspense or horror flick.

So she waited.

Her head nodded slightly. It was like being in rehabilitation again, but this time for what embers were left of their relationship. At least it still felt familiar. Warm. Something that she very much wanted and it was so close.

"...I would like to come home, e'lev."

[Zero Alpha]

When Jiseth didn't react in any negative manner to the touch, Zero felt a little of the tension in her shoulders melt away.  It was a constant mantra in her mind, that Jiseth was not the same as Starfleet Medical, that Jiseth wouldn't hurt her for breaking the rules, for taking her time and exploring, working past the many mental barriers that had been put in place.  From holding her hand, Zero inched a little closer to the Romulan, her hand teaching further up Jiseth's arm until their forearms rested against each other, Zero's hand resting on Jiseth's elbow.  She was so close to being fully in her embrace now, but she still hesitated to take that last step. It felt to be such a big step for someone who had until then been deathly terrified of any kind of humanoid contact.

"I wish also for your return," she murmured, not able to look at the other woman, the only one she had loved.  Their relationship was FDA see from normal, or even advised, but so far, it was the only romantic relationship she wanted.  "I cannot promise to be able to fulfill your emotional or physical requirements, but I do not wish to be played from you, nor do I wish for Callion to develop with only myself as a template. She requires your input in order to become a well rounded individual."

[Jiseth]

"A sense of security is a touch more important than sex, is it not? More than seeing Callion, I was curious to know where we stood. Like this, it isn't so bad for first being back. I keenly recall the loneliness in Medical, but even prior to that there were the moments like in the photographs. It's not so much about what was, I like to remind myself what could be. Probably one of the few things I'm genuinely optimistic about."

Her eyes drifted down to their arms together. The usual fire for perfection and completeness could not muster even a smoldering ember. It was a longer path than the wild night they first met and like incense was meant to be savored.

"I know plenty of cultures use some form of jewelry to display togetherness, but I think our daughter is more than enough evidence. She'll shine brighter than any gem and everyone will know who her mothers are. All things considered, I can't really imagine a better life than what we have."

[Zero Alpha]

The Augment still looked distinctly unhappy at the prospect of not being able to provide what she considered to be adequate care for her mate.  Touching, even just touching Jiseth was hard, going against everything that had been so deeply ingrained into her psyche by Admiral Corinth.

She took a deep breath, then let it out as she closed her eyes and let a little of the tension leave her shoulders.  "During the times in which I was required to return to Starfleet Medical, I keenly felt your absence.  Captain T'Koris was kind enough to ensure that Callion was taken in to her family until I was capable of resuming my role as mother, but I would have much preferred that our daughter have you in her life, so as not to be reliant on a single, defective mother."

The mention of jewelery, although she didn't expand on the reasoning behind it, brought a faint pink blush to her cheeks, glaringly obvious against her pallor.

[Jiseth]

"You're not defective. Hey..."

Jiseth shook her head and tilted it to her right, trying to get a slightly better look of her counter part. Aside from this, she stayed perfectly still. It was a double balancing act between her legs and what Zero might reflexively jump away from. She could not blame her for those reactions though. She remembered quite well pulling the pale Augment from a small box they had cramped her in.

"You've never been defective. Of all the things they've done to you, you're still here. You're still breathing. You're still the one Ghost thinks is leader of the pack. You're still a practicing medical officer. Best one on this damn ship. That's gotta mean something. The people that came before you were adept at taking life and you do the opposite. You've saved people how many times? Brought people into this world even. No one can take that away from you."

She had to look away as she bit her lower lip. Jiseth tried to inhale slowly, but it still very much sounded like a sniffle.

"And... And when you look at me... It feels like I'm the luckiest girl in the galaxy." 

[Zero Alpha]

The conversation had reached and surpassed the claustrophobic limits of emotional dialogue that Zero was familiar with, leaving her with silence as her answer.  In that silence, the quiet sniffle that Jiseth had been trying to conceal was louder than it would otherwise have been.  From his place lying on the couch, Ghost lifted his head, tilting it to one side as he observed them, considering whether or not canine intervention was necessary.  Zero, for her part, frowned slightly.

"Do you require a disposable means of removing extraneous mucus from one's nose?"

[Jiseth]

As if she fired off her own small array of maneuvering thrusters, Jiseth backed away ever so slowly from Zero. There was a deep, and rather wet, inhale before she cleared her throat softly.

"No... No, it's fine. I better go... At least while the mood is still good."

Jiseth rubbed her forehead in small, circular motions with her finger tips. She hoped she would be able to get out of here before either overstaying her welcome or shoving a carbon fiber foot in her mouth. Or both.

"I um... I could come by in the morning... Help make breakfast for Callion. Would that be allowable?"

[Zero Alpha]

A range of expressions crossed Zero's face as Jiseth moved away:  Confusion came first, plain and obvious, then a flash of hurt lasting less than a second, then finally shame, pink colouring the Augment's cheeks.  She hadn't moved fast enough, showed the appropriate emotional responses, said the right thing for Jiseth to still be comfortable.

She took a step back, folding her arms behind her back in a parade rest position, but her gaze was firmly on the carpeted deck plates in front of her.

"If you prefer, I believe Ghost could be persuaded to return to his designated sleeping area and cede the couch to you.  Callion often wakes in the night for various reasons.  Perhaps... Perhaps she should become accustomed to your presence?"

[Jiseth]

Way to go, moron.

That was Jiseth's initial thought, but the idea of staying she had previously marked as a bit too much for the first night. Then again it was Zero who offered although she was not sure if her brief movement had guilt the Augment into it. Even when she without trying there was some manner in which she was manipulating others, for better or worse.

There was a slow exhale from the Romulan as she took a step forward and leaned in to kiss the top of Zero's head. She lingered only briefly, taking in a scent that had been beyond her for far too long. She savored it knowing there would more than likely days if not weeks before her partner let her guard down again.

"...I would love to. Thank you."

[Zero Alpha]

As lips gently touched her head, Zero started, jumping away like a startled colt until she regained control over her movements.  Freaking out over a simple touch would only cause more set backs in the already somewhat strained relationship between the two of them.

"All of the items you may require have remained in the same place as before," she stated, referring to things such as blankets and pillows.  Time and a child hadn't made even the smallest of dents in Zero's need to organise her quarters.  "I will retire.  Please awaken me should you or Callion have need of my presence."  The pale girl seemed to hesitate then, as if weighing her options.

With the agility of a striking snake, a soft, chaste kiss was pressed to Jiseth's jaw before Zero moved away with the same speed, darting toward her bedroom.

[Jiseth]

Well... I guess that's not so bad.

There was a long smirk tugging at her lips as her eyes kept focused on where Zero had previously been in front of her. For the smallest, most fleeting of moments it felt like what they once had. That feeling she let sink beneath waves of several things. Pity. Regret. Remorse. She wondered what it must seem like from Callion's perspective and hoped that come morning their child would be too distracted by a sugary breakfast than to take notice of the intricacies adults being adults.

Drifting toward the couch, Jiseth took the bottle she had tossed, and from the kitchenette found herself a small glass. She filled it about halfway before closing the bottle and taking a sip. A long one at that. The quarters were so alike to when she had first left that it almost was uncomfortable, however, it did make the items belonging to their daughter standout more as if jewels on a plain band.

After finishing the contents of her glass she stowed the bottle away in the pantry far out of reach of the little one. The effects were coming swift enough, both good and bad, but mostly the former. Getting the blankets and pillows were easy and coming to the couch she decided to share the space. Taking the section closest to the viewport, the Romulan leaned back and reclined as the leg rests deployed. Her arm nearest Ghost stroked the side of his face slowly and scratched behind his ear as slowly and quite peacefully Jiseth drifted off to sleep.

[Zero Alpha]

[A few hours later]

In the dark of the sleep shift, the door to Callion's little room hissed open, letting the toddler come racing out of it and across the living area toward Zero's room on the other side.  The disturbance woke Ghost, who jumped down from the couch and trotted after the child.

Inside Zero's room, the Augment had been rudely awoken by a crying child.  Under normal circumstances, a scared child may climb into bed with a parent, but this particular parent had the very odd habit of sleeping under the bed rather than in it.  This meant that Callion had been trying to scramble into the dark space for the brief moment that it took for Zero to wake up and extract herself before somewhat awkwardly wrapping her arms around her daughter.