Ruth/Hrafn/Luby and all related characters... a farewell message

[Ruth Sigurdsdottir]

Dear Fellow Fleeters.

It is with heavy heart that I have today asked to reserve my characters with immediate effect, but I felt you all deserved a reason why...

The short version - my health, or rather the lack of it. (there's also a synopsis in GREEN near the bottom).  I'm sorry if this is TMI for some people but I feel that you need it explained.

I have had a few months of poking, prodding, blood tests, scans and so on and while the prognosis isn't life threatening (don't worry, I'm too mad to die just yet!) it is debilitating.

I've copied this from cdc.gov and then added my parts (in yellow) as explanation of how it effects ME:

There is no cure or approved treatment for myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS). However, some symptoms can be treated or managed. [My doctor said that one treats the symptoms rather than the disease/illness, but even then it's like getting a new bingo card every day as to which symptoms present themselves] Treating these symptoms might provide relief for some patients with ME/CFS but not others. Other strategies, like learning new ways to manage activity, can also be helpful. [I have done Occupational Therapy to help with this, I have employed the D's - Defer, Do, Don't, Delegate... but that only works 'so far'. ]

Patients, their families, and healthcare providers need to work together to decide which symptom causes the most problems. This should be treated first. Patients, families, and healthcare providers should discuss the possible benefits and harms of any treatment plans, including medicines and other therapies. [This part makes my doctor laugh - she read this page with me as a guide to helping other people understand when I told them.  However she did say this is the most accurate in the main.  However, '... which symptom causes the most problems... well yeah, how does 'all of them' sound?!]

Healthcare providers need to support their patients' families as they come to understand how to live with this illness. Providers and families should remember that this process might be hard on people with ME/CFS. [Except that my family... ah... long story.  My immediate blood family are more medically problematic than I am.  My mother is bedridden, my sister is her sole carer and is also physically disabled and potentially has ME herself.  My chosen family are scattered around the country.  Locally I have a few very good friends who help out but those closest namely my partner - he's FT carer not to me himself, and Tracey has her daughter to look after.]

Symptoms that healthcare providers might try to address are:

Post-exertional Malaise (PEM)

Post-exertional malaise (PEM) is the worsening of symptoms after even minor physical, mental or emotional exertion. For some patients, sensory overload (light and sound) can induce PEM. The symptoms typically get worse 12 to 48 hours after the activity or exposure and can last for days or even weeks. [In my case, try MONTHS... and the problem being that I'm not fully recovering from one bout of PEM because living on my own bar the cat - and other than for companionship matters he's pretty useless for doing housework for example!! - and the NHS not able to provide 24/7 carers for me... I HAVE to do stuff otherwise I'd have an overflowing cat's litter tray, stinking bags of trash... well you get the idea, I have to do stuff, so I never recover fully from one bout and I'm having another... this compounds the issue.  See also 'sleep' below.]

PEM can be addressed by activity management, also called pacing. The goal of pacing is to learn to balance rest and activity to avoid PEM flare-ups, which can be caused by exertion that patients with ME/CFS cannot tolerate. To do this, patients need to find their individual limits for mental and physical activity. Then they need to plan activity and rest to stay within these limits. Some patients and doctors refer to staying within these limits as staying within the "œenergy envelope." The limits may be different for each patient. Keeping activity and symptom diaries may help patients find their personal limits, especially early on in the illness.

Being mindful of personal limits could prove to be a helpful coping skill for people living with ME/CFS.  This enables them the ability to find balance between activities and rest, giving them a sense of managing the illness rather than the illness controlling them. People living with ME/CFS may find that everyday activities such as buying groceries, brushing their teeth, or interacting with others may be enough to cause a relapse or "œcrash". It may not be possible to entirely avoid these situations, but people living with ME/CFS need to be aware of monitoring their own activity limits. When having a good day, it is tempting to try and "œpush" (increasing activity beyond what would normally attempt) to make up for lost time. However, this can then lead to a "œcrash" (worsening of ME/CFS symptoms); the cycle can then repeat itself after people start recovering from the crash. [I'm mindful, but see above.  I will even when I know I'm going to be doing something - e.g. on Saturday I'm going out with my partner, that's normally a double-edged sword.  He's like plugging in a battery pack as far as my depression is concerned... so I brighten and my ailments don't seem so bad, but we will be doing stuff so.... that's the down side.  I can only 'bank' so much energy so I don't do much on a Friday, and I know that all of a Saturday evening and most of Sunday I will need to recover.  I manage to get back to 'maybe' 50% energy levels on a good day but I'm like a phone battery that won't take a full charge... and that's the problem, every time I manage to charge less and less.]

Rehabilitation specialists or exercise physiologists who understand ME/CFS may help patients with adjusting to life with ME/CFS. Finding ways to make activities easier may be helpful, like sitting while doing the laundry or showering, taking frequent breaks, and dividing large tasks into smaller steps. Some patients find heart rate monitors useful in keeping track of how hard their body is working, as a way to prevent PEM. Patients who have learned to listen to their bodies might be able to increase their activity level. However, ME/CFS is unpredictable. PEM symptoms may not start right after exercise, making it important for each treatment plan to be tailored for each case. Exercise is not a cure for ME/CFS. [Thankfully, my current doctor understands this, and it is for this reason that she's basically said to cut down EVERY activity that isn't totally necessary - she understands that I might for example have to take a bag of trash out or do the litter tray, but the hoovering can wait until Saturday morning when my partner comes around and he can run the hoover around the floor of the living room, but something like checking emails, or SF... that can wait or be eliminated from daily routines.  I can check for any important emails on my phone.]

Any activity or exercise plan for people with ME/CFS needs to be carefully designed with input from each patient. While vigorous aerobic exercise can be beneficial for many chronic illnesses, patients with ME/CFS do not tolerate such exercise routines. Standard exercise recommendations for healthy people can be harmful for patients with ME/CFS. However, it is important that patients with ME/CFS undertake activities that they can tolerate, as described above.

Sleep
Patients with ME/CFS often feel less refreshed and restored after sleep than they did before they became ill. Common sleep complaints include difficulty falling or staying asleep, extreme sleepiness, intense and vivid dreaming, restless legs, and night-time muscle spasms.
Good sleep habits are important for all people, including those with ME/CFS. When people try these tips but are still unable to sleep, their doctor might recommend taking medicine to help with sleep. First, people should try over-the-counter sleep products. If this does not help, doctors can offer a prescription sleep medicine, starting at the smallest dose and using for the shortest possible time.

People might continue to feel unrefreshed even after the medications help them to get a full night of sleep. If so, they should consider seeing a sleep specialist. Most people with sleep disorders, like sleep apnea (symptoms include brief pausing in breathing during sleep) and narcolepsy (symptoms include excessive daytime sleepiness), respond to therapy. However, for people with ME/CFS, not all symptoms may go away. [All of the above bar narcolepsy... well I do have excessive daytime sleepiness but not what people commonly think of as narcolepsy, I don't just fall asleep randomly, in fact I find it very difficult to sleep during the day.  I do have some amitriptyline 10mg which are supposed to help me sleep at night - they do, their function being that they relax my nerve pain and relax me generally and even act as a general mild anti-depressant (need about 10x the amount to work fully as an anti-depressant but...), but even the 10mg tablets have me totally zombied the next 3 days and as I'm already half dead during the day the doc has said to use only if I really want to zonk completely and have nothing to do the next day at all.  Problem being, as most people are aware the body uses sleep as a restorative healing time... I don't get full 8 hours or more each night, I don't heal, so I don't come out of the PEM... and **draws circle of doom** ]

Pain
People with ME/CFS often have deep pain in their muscles and joints. They might also have headaches (typically pressure-like) and soreness of their skin when touched. [Ah, you reckon?!  But one of the reasons that it took them so long to diagnose is that I also have arthritis so I ache from that too!  And chronic migraines until I had a lump in my brain - benign but pressing on spinal cord so had to be removed - still have the migraines just not even half as frequently nowadays!]

Patients should always talk to their healthcare provider before trying any medication. Doctors may first recommend trying over-the-counter pain-relievers, like acetaminophen, aspirin, or ibuprofen. If these do not provide enough pain relief, patients may need to see a pain specialist. People with chronic pain, including those with ME/CFS, can benefit from counse[ling to learn new ways to deal with pain. [Been there, done that.  Currently I'm still on Naproxen, paracetamol and I get 20 x dihydrocodiene to last me a month.  Doctors over here don't like prescribing acetaminophen, but my doc is fine with me having ibuprofen and even CBD oil as back up.  We've got to the point that short of IV morphine with everything else wrong with me besides the CFS/PEM I'm gonna be in pain anyhow so we try to sort that out best we can... I joke that I want a new body for Xmas but well... it would be nice LOL, decant the brain and spirit that is Pol and just but it in a younger, slimmer body please!   Hey, not lost my SOH, if I lose that shoot me, with a blunt, rusty knife please!!]

Other pain management methods include stretching and movement therapies, gentle massage, heat, toning exercises, and water therapy for healing. Acupuncture, when done by a licensed practitioner, might help with pain for some patients. [Acupuncture doesn't come cheap in the UK, and I'm on benefits so that is right out.  Huxley (my cat) tries his best with free catupuncture whether I want it or not! Massage - ditto, although my partner does his best.  I have heat pads but in summer ...ugh, I'm a bloody Viking!! I do not do well with heat!! I do use them during the winter as well, it's cold then LOL.  Water Therapy... only in the shower, then I do like a shower where I will come out looking like a boiled lobster!!!]

Depression, Stress, and Anxiety
Adjusting to a chronic, debilitating illness sometimes leads to other problems, including depression, stress, and anxiety. Many patients with ME/CFS develop depression during their illness. When present, depression or anxiety should be treated. Although treating depression or anxiety can be helpful, it is not a cure for ME/CFS.

Some people with ME/CFS might benefit from antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. However, doctors should use caution in prescribing these medications. Some drugs used to treat depression have other effects that might worsen other ME/CFS symptoms and cause side effects. When healthcare providers are concerned about patient's psychological condition, they may recommend seeing a mental health professional.

Some people with ME/CFS might benefit from trying techniques like deep breathing and muscle relaxation, massage, and movement therapies (such as stretching, yoga, and tai chi). These can reduce stress and anxiety, and promote a sense of well-being. [Me, I've gotta be special... window licking special! I not only have 'regular' depression, I have it as a result of the CFS, and have PTSD (2 major triggers) so I'm completely FUBARred!! I have 'coping' techniques, and I'm working on the rest!  Having you guys as friends helps, tho maybe not with the being totally MENTAL part!!]

Dizziness and Lightheadedness (Orthostatic Intolerance)
Some people with ME/CFS might also have symptoms of orthostatic intolerance that are triggered when-or made worse by-standing or sitting upright. These symptoms can include:

Frequent dizziness and lightheadedness
Changes in vision (blurred vision, seeing white or black spots)
Weakness
Feeling like your heart is beating too fast or too hard, fluttering, or skipping a beat [it was this that led me to get checked out further - in conjuntion with the blurred vision, floaters in vision and dizziness which had caused me to fall down the stairs... all related apparently.  Good news is knee is on the mend!]
For patients with these symptoms, their doctor will check their heart rate and blood pressure, and may recommend they see a specialist, like a cardiologist or neurologist.

For people with ME/CFS who do not have heart or blood vessel disease, doctor might suggest patients increase daily fluid and salt intake and use support stockings. If symptoms do not improve, prescription medication can be considered. [Because of weight, doc has recommended lots more fluids, eating bananas as potassium is better than sodium for me!]

Memory and Concentration Problems
Memory aids, like organizers and calendars, can help with memory problems. For people with ME/CFS who have concentration problems, some doctors have prescribed stimulant medications, like those typically used to treat Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). While stimulants might help improve concentration for some patients with ME/CFS, they might lead to the "˜push-and-crash' cycle and worsen symptoms. "œPush-and-crash" cycles are when someone with ME/CFS is having a good day and tries to push to do more than they would normally attempt (do too much, crash, rest, start to feel a little better, do too much once again). [<< That, right there = Me!!  I have had butt kicked by doctor.  She's 'allowing' me next weekend to supervise the complete house blitz of getting furniture moved, all the dusting, hoovering and so on done, all the laundry, turning my mattress on the bed etc etc when Angel - who some of you know as Dr. Ta-Li Yona - comes to visit me as he's a big strong lad and has said that he'll do all the bending, stretching, donkey-work jobs for me so that I can just do the sit down, and sort thru bags type tasks which shouldn't wear me out too much.  While this is a definite kindness and the poor guy shouldn't be using his vacation to help me out it means that for a good couple of months at least my 'general housework' will be at ultra minimum and thus I might have a chance to actually recover!]

Living with ME/CFS
Strategies that do not involve use of medications and might be helpful to some patients are:

Professional counseling: Talking with a therapist to help find strategies to cope with the illness and its impact on daily life and relationships. [Hahahahaha, sorry but been there done that, doesn't work for everyone.  My best counsellors are my friends, and they help enormously. Hence why I hope all of you will keep in touch.  Ask Kyle, Jackie or Nevir for my details... most of the CLOs have them.]
Balanced diet. A balanced diet is important for everyone's good health and would benefit a person with or without any chronic illness. [Fight a running battle with my weight but I eat healthily]
Nutritional supplements. Doctors might run tests to see if patients lack any important nutrients and might suggest supplements to try. Doctors and patients should talk about any risks and benefits of supplements, and consider any possible interactions that may occur with prescription medications. Follow-up tests to see if nutrient levels improve can help with treatment planning. [See above re- bananas.  I'm slightly anaemic too but doc found that iron supplements are NOT good for me... while I'm sharing a LOT about myself and my health here, how we found that out deffo falls under TMI!!  Instead I eat about 4x as much spinach, broccoli and other dark greens as I used to which are high in naturally occurring iron.]

So... to paraphrase that lot for the benefit of those who don't want to read ALL of it...

• I have a condition called CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and a side-along condition known as PEM (Post Exertional Malaise) and as a result of the PEM I have to try to rest as much as possible because ...
• I'm not recovering from one PEM fully before being hit with another and...
• Other ailments like arthritis also wear me down/out so I have less of a 'window' of energy to do things
• Medication doesn't help this, only medication that I get helps the pain
• I stress out (making things worse) because I don't have the energy to fully do housework so only minimal stuff gets done, which stresses more....
• Shadowfleet is unfortunately not a necessity to life, so that's got to be off my list of daily 'tasks'
• This isn't goodbye (hopefully) just 'so long'.

I have however worked out some things for my characters (including NPCs) to be doing while I'm not here and provide a 'backstory' for if/when (hopefully when) I come back!!

Ruth - There has been an opening for a Xenolinguist tutor for the Academy and Capt. Lizzie Vaughan pulled a few strings so that Ruth can go work there.  She has Skye (the dog) with her.

The Siggy twins get posted (separately) to Starbase 54 (Arya) and USS Epsilon (Katya) so they're off doing their stuff.

Hrafn - Well... she's taken the kids, including Ruthie and Meros (for those who don't know, Ruthie is the oldest child from a relationship prior to marrying Nevir and Zerma Meros is her Bajoran bf!  Both Science Ensigns) to New Bajor, living with her inlaws.  Following on from the turmoil on Katra (I mean the station being blown up in part and so on!) she decides that it is no longer somewhere safe for the kids to be, nor is it fair on them to keep being sent off to New Bajor to be away from them, so when the Bajoran Archaeological Society asks if she would head up a team of Xenolinguists since she's been working freelance for them ever since she was pregnant with Lamar, and staying on New Bajor for safety, she agrees.  They tell her to pick her own team so, for the first time ever, with the exception of Nevir, she manages to gather her family in one 'safe-ish' place (no where in ST is entirely safe, you never know when someone is going to decide they don't like Bajorans or whatever!!) and so Hrafn, Ruthie and Meros, Tidu, Nerys and Lamar, Crista and [color=burlywoodJames as a 'family unit' (and in the case of Ruthie and Meros, 2 of the team of Xenolinguist/Scientists) go to live on New Bajor.

Ujosso and Mary being the Katra headmistress and school secretary also end up on New Bajor as many of the families who were displaced after Katra was attacked stayed on New Bajor and haven't as yet moved creating difficulties for the school on Bajor, being short staffed... so they join the school as teachers.

Anth and Sally McCutcheon - I'm unsure about these but totally possible they head for Daystrom since that's where Anth originated.

Luby and the Posse.(Kestra, Roger, Bettina and Grithaw) - Some of you remember Dr. Ta-Li Yona looks like a Klingon but is actually also half Vulcan. (this is posted with permission from him and worked out with him)  Well he never knew his father and as such when a letter arrives saying that his father has been spotted somewhere around Kronos he sets out to look for him.  As Luby and him were starting a relationship he asks her to go along with him as his assistant.  She couldn't leave until circumstances were right and so she finally goes to join him.

The Posse are recalled to Earth to work with Lizzie.

So that's it... it's been fun writing with you all and I sincerely hope that I manage to kick this thing totally into remission sometime and come back.

Until then, Live long and prosper.

Ruth, Hrafn, Luby et al

[Sirol]

I am incredibly sad to read about your departure.
You are a VERY dear friend to me (and many others), a loving, inclusive, caring and amazing person, a fantastic writer and a wonderful worldbuilder.
I think I speak for all if I state that SF will not be the same without you.

I think for me personally, you leaving is particularly sad because you have been there with me from day one.
You recruited me, you talked, played and goofed around with me, we had our RP family shenanigans and a lot of heart and soul OOC.
You have been my main incentive to stick around, develop my character and experiment - especially when most of the old Katra staff left.

You were and always will be my best friend here and beyond.
I love you to bits, and I will always be one Discord poke away.

But, that being said, priorities are important, and there is no bigger priority than health and well-being.
Having a permanent sickness absolutely sucks, and no one deserves it, I know this better than I would like to, and I am 101% on board with you on your decision.
Be attentive of your own limits and needs, but also keep in mind that you have people who love and support you, and that you are not alone.

You are amazing - IC and OOC, and I am glad that I bumped into you, even if our roleplay days may be over. There are more days ahead, and so are more shenanigans. ^^

[Kyan Mackenzie]

As I'm not generally one who displays much emotion, this will be short.

You are awesome! And I'm going to miss reading your posts and interacting with your crazy RP family. BUT... like Sirol said, RL concerns are first, and your health is first among those. So I'll be pulling for you to kick ass on that front and get better. And I hope to see you back here again someday. We're going to miss you Space mommy!

[Skargarr]

man no camping trip with the kids and showing off real hunter skills , hope you feel better

[Ruth Sigurdsdottir]

To Sirol - no words
To Skar - 'Space Mommy'... I love it, I'm adding that to my official list of nicknames!

[Lagar]

Miss you already! I'm sure we'll be thrilled any time you're able to drop in and chat with us on Discord!

[Don Damien Addams]

I quickly read some of it.

Did you ever try these

- glasses with pink quartz in lenses their is a name. Not cheap ones for sensitive to light
- meditations
- ever try consider this expensive way. Trust me I have this disease which is still new and they have no clue.

Have you partner help you on this. At first I was stress from this change trying adjust from bad eating
- organic foods
- gluten free much as you can
- avoid sugar, process foods
- eat foods and use stuff with less ingredients is more better then thousand ingredients. It's more chemicals they put in our food and things we use
- vitamins ?
I am sorry you going through this but I hope you there some come back where your life gets normal. Like enjoying yourself

And hear is another odd one """"- ask your partner to go to the ocean or find a river to hear the water to calm. I think ocean is a nice where it's more calmer.

I will miss you and pray for you and think of you daily cause you are one of those remarkable people who does things above and beyond. Maybe this will help you feel better to get your mind focused on you.

Think happy thoughts. The days going to be challenging but the adventure is fighting it and holding onto Hope. Hold on to it as it's your life preserver.

We will be here always.

Bless you. Rest. And do what you got to do.

[Ruth Sigurdsdottir]

I quickly read some of it.

Did you ever try these

- glasses with pink quartz in lenses their is a name. Not cheap ones for sensitive to light
- meditations
- ever try consider this expensive way. Trust me I have this disease which is still new and they have no clue.

Have you partner help you on this. At first I was stress from this change trying adjust from bad eating
- organic foods
- gluten free much as you can
- avoid sugar, process foods
- eat foods and use stuff with less ingredients is more better then thousand ingredients. It's more chemicals they put in our food and things we use
- vitamins ?
I am sorry you going through this but I hope you there some come back where your life gets normal. Like enjoying yourself

And hear is another odd one """"- ask your partner to go to the ocean or find a river to hear the water to calm. I think ocean is a nice where it's more calmer.

I will miss you and pray for you and think of you daily cause you are one of those remarkable people who does things above and beyond. Maybe this will help you feel better to get your mind focused on you.

Think happy thoughts. The days going to be challenging but the adventure is fighting it and holding onto Hope. Hold on to it as it's your life preserver.

We will be here always.

Bless you. Rest. And do what you got to do.

Thanks - some of these I have tried some I haven't.  I'm blessed in that I live on the coast (well least in a costal town... it's maybe 1/2 mile by road to the actual sea) and probably once per week (average) my partner (doesn't live with me that's the problem!!) will take his dog to the beach, I sit up the top on the walkway (I despise sand!!) and it's maybe 10 steps on the flat from the car door to a park bench type seat that I can sit on watch the sea, hear the waves, smell the ocean... you're right it's calming and I love water of any kind.  Since the dog thinks she's a mermaid, I'm generally around it once per week.

Since I've been on a weight loss and healthy eating thing, AND trained as a chef, I don't eat a lot of processed food anyhow... yeah I have the odd thing here and there, who doesn't!  But I eat a lot made from scratch - when I have the energy to make it.

Thank you for your prayers.  As I think I've said elsewhere some time.  I'm not conventionally religious since I, like Ruth, am a Norse pagan.  We don't exactly pray.  That said, who's to say I'm right, and I'm grateful for any thoughts, prayers, energy... whatever and the fact that someone took time out of their day to give something for me.  So.. .thanks and big hugs.

Miss you already! I'm sure we'll be thrilled any time you're able to drop in and chat with us on Discord!

Don't worry... Thursdays (unless I'm away on holiday or have some kind of medical appointment) and some Sundays, I promise!!

[Don Damien Addams]

Try eat brain fruit and veggie. The way see it this way. If you can try to turn the clock back as the way we used to eat like hunting , fishing and fruit before we had chemicals in our body. I believe you can heal your body that way in all different ways.

Because I think as time gone by we do poison our bodies which our bodies tell us something wrong. Like back aches, constipation, shakes, cravings for healthy food like liver cause you're body screams for it at times etc. the body is such an awesome machine which wants us.

[T'Vas]

To me, you are the glue that binds us together. You've become synonymous with a lot of belly laughs and giggling and just being there on Discord.

On a more personal, IC level... Tidu and Serena is something I will cherish fondly. To be able to create a character and post is challenging at the best of times, but you've made a person. Not a character, a person. As real as anyone else I've met. Serena's reactions were really mine and genuine. The feelings of protectiveness and family pride is very much all true.

I... Can't really say more, because I can't tell you how much I love you as a person, as a player and just the ability you have in enriching all of our lives little bit brighter and no matter how bad our day is, you've been there for us. We are here for you, just as how you are here for us.

[Gideon Drake]

I'm so sorry to see you go. I never forgot you as Ruth when I first joined on the Athena, first as Nira. Now it seems the last one left from the Athena is Alex Graham. You will be missed, both from Nira and Gideon.