Re: Of Course It Hurts (Judy/Saya)

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

"Virtually anyone who's been through college with a guitar has done it," Judy answered.

Initially, she didn't notice anything, but when Kyo pointed her attention to it, and she listened carefully, she could hear music.
"Yes, I think I do," she replied. "It's definitely Saya."

Judy brushed her hand against her temple. She had a few thoughts, but was now the time to articulate them? She decided that it was.

"I think she desperately wants someone to support her, but she just as desperately doesn't want to be seen."

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

Kyo's brow furrowed in concern. I know. I just don't know how to approach her, especially since I haven't seen her like this before. She always seems so level and steady. He scrubbed his face.

Do you think I ought to try to go to her? Or should I wait for morning? Don't want to push; don't want her to think I don't care... Kyo seesawed his hands up and down. Is it always like this in a relationship?

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

"More or less," Judy replied with a shrug. "You at least have it lucky, in that she's at least faithful. My ex-husband..."
Judy trailed off at the mention of that man. She'd successfully pushed him out of her life, out of her children's lives, and out of her property, but she couldn't push him out of her mind.

"Anyway, the least we can do is ask. Watch the kebabs."

Judy then walked away to Saya's room, and knocked.
"Saya, darling? Can I come in for just a sec?" she asked in her most nurturing, motherly voice.

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

Kyo nodded and stepped up to the stove-top grill, continuing the slow turning of the kebabs. He wanted to be the one to comfort Saya, but until he was more familiar with her particular moods, Judy seemed like the better choice. She was slightly less likely to get her head bitten off. Probably.

*****
At Judy's knock, the music stopped. Saya stared for a moment at Alieth as the three-horn scampered to the door and honked excitedly, recognizing the smell of her second/third favorite person.

Finally, she called out shortly, Come.

Judy would find Saya sitting on the edge of the room's armchair, behind her cello, arms resting around the neck, bow dangling from her left hand.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

Judy entered the room and sat down on a sofa (the interior designer, being a stuffy rich type, probably called it a "davenport" or some similarly pretentious term) facing Saya. She observed her, trying to read from her behavior what was wrong, as she often did with her sons.
It was clear Saya was distressed, confused, afraid, and trying to hide, but it was just as clear that some part of her was reaching out for help, perhaps in her subconsciousness. Saya had spent the better part of her life repressing her social instincts, so that made total sense.

"Saya, I'm worried about you. Could you please tell me how you're feeling?"
Virtually everything about Judy's self-presentation, from her relaxed posture to her wrinkles and streaks of grey hair, gave the appearance of a supportive, unintimidating, maternal figure. She hoped Saya would be receptive to that.

In writing her autobiography, decades in the future, Judy could well identify this as the moment her clinical persona was born.

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

Saya's gaze followed Judy into the room and to the sofa, silently observing her as Judy did the same to her. The young hybrid drew a deep breath through her nose and released it almost excruciatingly slowly through her mouth.

As much as she didn't want to be around anyone right now, she also wanted someone to tell her that it was okay, and she was okay.

Finally, Saya opened her mouth, then closed it again. She fidgeted with her bow, staring at it intently as she rolled it in her fingers. Looking up, Saya made eye contact, but still found it difficult to say anything. Eventually, she managed to force out in an anguished voice. I...don't...know. Tears welled again and she leaned the cello against the seat next to her and set the bow aside so she could wipe at her eyes with a sleeve.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

Judy nodded. Saya's confusion said everything.

"Everything will be all right, whatever it is," she reassured. "We're here to support you through this."

If she was healthier, she would have stood up to offer a hand.
"Is there anything you want to talk about, so we can try to understand it together?"

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

I just...I cannot even articulate how I am feeling. Saya clenched and unclenched her empty hands several times. I feel as if my skin is crawling. I am angry and sad and irritated at nothing and everything. I cannot meditate. That is why I was playing. It helps sometimes.

Saya jumped suddenly to her feet and began to pace, rubbing her arms. There is no reason that I feel like this.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

"In my experience, problems that have no reason usually pass overnight," Judy replied. "A light meal and a long night are the surest prescription for inexplicable moods. Alcohol helps too, in my experience, as long as it's done in moderation. I do have some springwine in the cellar, if you'd like to try that."

Judy had a nagging suspicion that there was some underlying cause, but she really didn't know. General-purpose, feel-good approaches were the best she had.

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

With a groan, Saya flopped back into the chair, nearly upsetting her cello, and pulled her knees to her chest again, burying her face.

I don't know what I want! Her scream was muffled by her knees. After a moment, Saya lifted her head and tilted it back, closing her eyes for a moment. I'm sorry. Perhaps a little food would be beneficial, but I think I should avoid alcohol as I don't know how it would affect me in my current state.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

Judy took a sharp breath at Saya's muffled scream.

"You're right, alcohol is a bad idea," Judy acknowledged. "Dinner and bed it is. I'll have some rice and lentils ready for you."

Then, Judy's mind turned to the next day.
"If you don't let me know otherwise, should I bring breakfast in for you at about 8?" she asked.

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

I, thank you. But you don't have to serve me. I can come get my own food. You should be resting, not caring for me. Saya dropped her bare feet back to the floor in preparation to brave the rest of the house.

She hesitated suddenly, brow furrowing in concern. Is Kyo angry with me? We are meant to be spending time together and I have pushed him away.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

"Saya, I can't just sit around and rest. I'd go insane," Judy defended herself. "I'll have food out for you - that won't make my hip pop out of its socket."
Judy refrained from making any puns involving the expressions "half-ass", "hard-ass", or "iron-ass", knowing that Saya wouldn't appreciate those.

"As for Kyo, he's not angry in the slightest. He's just worried, as am I. We both want to be there for you, if you want us there."

Judy waited a little longer for Saya to respond.

[Ozu Saya]

[Estate]

Saya raised one brow doubtfully, but didn't comment on Judy's rhetoric. She did drop her head again, however.

I appreciate your concern, both of you, but I am too irritable to make good company and I do not think there is anything that you - either of you - could do to make it better, and I would spend the time attempting not to snap at you. Not conducive to friendships or relationships, she said wryly.

[Judith Eastman]

[Estate]

Judy nodded in acknowledgement.
"We'll let you stay by your lonesome as long as you need," she accepted. "Dinner should be by soon."

Judy then put her hands on the cane, to reassure Saya, but got up without using it for support. After a week, she was supposed to be able to walk, and indeed she was, but she didn't want to argue with the half-Vulcan about that.

Instead, she walked to the kitchen again, to check up on Kyo.